Today, I started a drug/mood/health log (on twitter because I like the mobile app– short updates with the time stamps) to help me keep track of what helps and what hurts. I had my first evaluation meeting with my new government sponsored psychiatrist where I was a bit more prepared with a list of symptoms I wanted to treat and we set goals and reduced some of the meds and increased some of the meds.
I went through some index cards. I called them “focus cards” when I was in my most producing days of what some call “mania.”
I’m feeling really optimistic about the future. I had a nice couple of days. I started reading again. It’s slow. I’m currently reading 101 Things I Learned in Law School. I’m considering going back to school because I would like to be a learned individual with a higher salary. Wake up call: being an “artist” means always wondering about the future and money and wondering if you’re going to “make it.” I was pretty delusional (alusional? Where one has no illusions true or false) about my future and so I’m giving it some heavy consideration before I make my next move.
I keep thinking about time. About how this last year has really changed me. About how I’m growing and learning about myself, psychology, pharmaceuticals, friendship, compassion and the brutal pace that society keeps.
Yeah, I am perplexed that I “took a year off” and when I came back everyone was passing me by and it’s hard to find one’s footing after going to the brink of insanity and back.
I’m so happy you are feeling more optimism.