Day 9 I realized how grave my situation is

A page about my experience.

My time in the psych ward the second time was really gruesome. I was being a little liar and told myself, let’s get all the bracelets we can thinking that it was going to protect us from the cold dark world of the psych ward.

It was a troubling time over all. I’m trying to write this paper and I’m having a tough time. My focus has dulled over the past month and a half. Was I tramatized by my experience? Would that cause some form of mental retardation?

I’m trying really hard and it’s not coming out as eloquently as it used to. My brain is exhausted and rusty and I’m scared about how it’s going/not going. Please send help for my brain. I need answers, questions and all sorts of mental exercises to put me back to where I was intellectually. This is making me question my understanding of the world and my place in it if a few paragraphs is all I can muster. I will practice once every while hoping to get to the rest of this.

I’m completely distracted and slow and I need some help finding my way out of this maze. There’s literally a block from where I thought I would be and where I am. Let’s just keeep practicing stream of conciousness and see if it makes sense later.

Dmitriy denies the existance of yellow words. He doesn’t want to hear about the facets of the way I look at the world. This is tiring my brain. I have a hard time focusing on one task for very long. This is a problem for conversation, jokes, mental stabilty, breakfast. I think that it’s not a very good problem to have because I’ve spent years surrounding myself with intellectuals just to blow it.

Let’s be creative and doing things all the time. Let’s try to be more active. I can’t sleep but I can do everything else. How to focus? How to stay sharp? I was feeling so upbeat this morning. I finally got sleep and now I think I am struggling with basic concepts. Life is not progressing linearly and it sucks. It feels like someone has sprayed my brain with pesticides and now every fruit is poisoned.

Everything is metaphorical and it’s a crying shame.


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