There’s no doubt about it. My first day in partial hospitatlization made me realize that I am very sick.
Some of the other inmates were helpful and encouraging. I need to get some sleep to even make the program worth doing. The nightly panic attacks will come but at least I have ambien. That gives me 3-5 hours of black out sleep. I wake up to my worst nightmare which is worst than a nightmare because at least nightmares let you sleep through some of it.
I’m proud of myself for not letting them get to me. They are just two hours of my day. I’ve been doing a lot of clockwatching. Being in a hospital environment sucks because of all the code color interruptions. Especially when they go into specifics: Code Green, 40 year old woman. Code Blue, transfusion.
I’m writing this with blurred vision. I can’t wait to get help of any kind. Something new at least offers hope. Tomorrow, I meet with my new psychiatrist. Peace be to you and to me.