I’m full of joy and wordplay. Some objects resonate with  me because I think about a lot of things, but this Olive Loaf Package takes the cake. I’ve been discussing with my friends the differences between “authentic” and “artisanal” and this bread claims to have both. I couldn’t taste these things, but the packaging helped me believe it anyways.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking a great deal about definitions: myself, my art, my travels, my currency, my agency and my grace.

I wanted to consolidate my learnings from the Psyche Ward into a neat little package, but I Still feel the signs of some kind of insanity. Food wrappers and commercials feel like they are talking directly to me. Probably why I have a hard time focusing when the world is full of advertisements.

Here’s what happened and who I am: A waterfall precaution. I feel things so strongly that I can cry from happiness or despair when I relax a little. This kind of behavior is unbecoming for an adult, so I must learn how to channel my feelings before they get into waterfall territory. That’s where self-expression comes in. This is where I become the genuine Sad/Happy Clown that is allowed a wider spectrum of persona and animatedness than your average person.

My diagnoses: Manic, Psychosis Hypomania, Bipolar, Triopolar (I came up with that), Plural, ADD vs ADHD: What’s the Difference?,

My new favorite is hyperarousal– Insomnia With Daytime Hyperarousal Linked to Hypertension.

After a trauma, the person with hyperarousal is “a state of increased psychological and physiological tensionmarked by such effects as reduced pain tolerance, anxiety, exaggeration of startle responses, insomnia, fatigue,and accentuation of personality traits.”

I am a mental health cocktail because my parents gave me some interesting tools to explore my coping mechanisms, primarily art. No one bats an eye at a painter furiously painting, it’s the rest of the time when I am forced to be Clark Kent instead of Superman.

My treatment means I need to slow my roll. I am moving to fast and I like it, but it’s a candle lit on both sides. If people can help relax me, if my friends can step up and teach me meditation, I will learn to soar and fall gracefully.


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